


Radio Daze

by iloveromance



Category: Frasier (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 16:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16044629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveromance/pseuds/iloveromance
Summary: When his production of "Nightmare Inn" concludes with disastrous results, Frasier fears that his radio career is over... Until something unexpected happens. (Episode: "Ham Radio")





	1. Chapter 1

(Saturday Night)

"You could have at least warned me before you decided to make a complete fool out of me and broadcast it all over Seattle!" Niles was yelling as Frasier followed him into the condo.

Daphne looked up from her crossword puzzle and smiled. "Well! If it isn't the radio celebrities!"

"Hello Daphne." Niles said, grinning at the object of his affections.

"Niles, please! Do you honestly think that I planned this?" Frasier asked. "I for one simply cannot believe that such a well thought out production could turn into such a farce. I had no intention of embarrassing anyone!"

"Poppycock!" Niles retorted. "Because of your... incompetence... you didn't have enough voices and therefore used me as your scapegoat! Admit it, Frasier. You screwed up and in your desperate search, called your little brother because he'll-."

"Hey! Knock it off!" Martin yelled, startling the Crane boys to silence.

"Niles, I am not going to tell you again... this was not my fault! Nor was it intentional!" Frasier yelled.

Niles' eyes widened. "Oh really? Then how do you explain that Nightmare Inn was such a disaster?"

"Well, Mr. Star performer... It wouldn't have been a disaster if you had read the script the way it was written!"

Niles' jaw dropped. "Well if you had just recruited enough people, none of this would have ever-."

"SHUT UP! I'm trying to watch the game here!" Martin yelled.

Niles pointed to his brother. "He started it!"

"Niles, I can't believe you're holding me responsible for such a horrible performance!" Frasier said.

"What's gotten into you two?" Daphne yelled. "I can't believe the way you two are carryin' on like this!"

Ashamed of his behavior, Niles hung his head low in an effort to avoid eye contact with his brother.

"Look what you've done, Frasier! You've upset our Daphne!" Niles said, taking her hand.

Frasier rolled his eyes. "Yes. She looks positively heartbroken!"

"Oh, I'm not upset." Daphne said, slowly pulling her hand away. "I've just never seen you fightin' quite so much."

"I'm sorry, Daphne" Niles said. "Frasier and I are just a little unnerved with how our production came out."

"I thought it was a wonderful performance." Daphne said with a smile.

"Ah, it's nice to know that some people appreciate my efforts!" Frasier said.

"Although there didn't seem to be as many murders when we were rehearsin' it." She finished.

"You see what you've done, Niles?" Frasier yelled. "Even Daphne is appalled by the outcome!"

Daphne looked at her boss in horror "Dr. Crane! I never-."

"I understand." Niles said, heading for the door. "Well... I think I've been insulted enough for one evening. Goodnight, Dad... Daphne..."

"Dr. Crane, wait! Don't go!" Daphne called, running after Niles.

"Come on, Niles. It's not your fault!" Martin said.

He stopped in the doorway, his heart warming when Daphne smiled at him.

"Daphne, I appreciate your concern and it makes you even more of an angel than you already are, but I'm afraid that I've already caused enough trouble for one evening. Goodnight, all."

Daphne and Martin watched helplessly as Niles walked out of the condo and shut the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

(Monday Afternoon)

"Fras, you'd better hurry if you're gonna make it to the station on time." Martin said. "It's almost one forty- five."

"Thanks for the reminder." Frasier sighed. "Although, I'm tempted to call Roz and tell her that I just can't make it today. I'm... Not feeling well."

Martin shook his head in disbelief. "You don't look sick to me."

"Oh come on, Dad! How do you expect me to set foot in that studio again after what happened on Saturday night?"

"Like a man!" Martin answered. "So your little radio show didn't go as planned! What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? Thanks to Niles and his bloodbath of almost every character in Nightmare Inn, I am now the laughing stock of Seattle!"

"Oh Geez, it came on Saturday night! How many people do you think actually listened to that?" Martin asked.

"Are you saying that I have no listeners?" Frasier retorted.

"Calm down, okay? Look, just go to work and forget the whole thing ever happened." Martin said.

"But I can't forget! And I certainly can't face anyone at KACL right now!" Frasier said as he picked up the phone and began to dial.

"Roz Doyle, please. Frasier Crane."

Martin rose from his chair and yanked the phone from his son's hand. "Look, I'm not going to tell you again. Now I'm your father and I say you're going to work!"

"Oh Dad, really!"

"I mean it!" Martin yelled. He held up his cane. "You know, you're not too old for me to put you across my knee. Once this cane hits your backside..."

At this Eddie yelped and ran to the sofa, burying his head in the cushions.

"See? Even Eddie's afraid of me!" Martin said proudly.

"Dad, this is ridiculous!" Frasier said. "Do you know how it would look if I let you strike me like a misbehaving child? Dear God, Lilith and I never spanked Frederick. It's absolutely barbaric!"

"It sure straightened you and Niles out!" Martin laughed.

"Don't remind me."

"If you do what I ask, I won't have to remind you." Martin said.

"Oh... All right, I'll go to work! But only because I refuse to subject myself to this ridiculous conversation any longer! And this ridiculous notion of yours that spanking solves all problems."

Martin smirked. "You're just afraid it'll hurt like hell!"

"I am not!" Frasier yelled, closing the door behind him.

As he stood in the hallway, his father's words echoed in his head...

"It'll hurt like hell."

And he couldn't help but wince as he got into the elevator.


	3. Chapter 3

Reluctantly, Frasier pulled his Mercedes into the KACL parking lot, dreading the thought of entering the building. But he couldn't stop thinking about what he'd told his listeners hundreds of times; the best way to conquer your fears is to face them head on.

With a new found confidence he smiled and walked into the building, giving no thought of the chaos that ensued there on Saturday night. He smiled as he walked down the hallways, nodding politely at the familiar faces he passed along the way.

However, by the time he reached the studio, he was a complete basket case.

"Hey, Frasier." Roz said when he entered the booth. He couldn't help but notice that she didn't bother looking up from her magazine.

"Roz." Frasier grumbled. "I trust your... dental problems are resolved now?"

She flashed him a smile. "Oh yeah! I'm good as new! And yesterday morning, the dental hygienist actually called me to ask how I was doing. Seems the Novocain they gave me was a lot stronger than it was supposed to be."

Frasier's eyebrows rose. "Imagine that!"

Roz rolled her eyes. "Whatever. But can you believe that? The hygienist actually calling to make sure that I was okay?"

"Well, that certainly was nice of her."

"Him." Roz corrected. "We have a date tonight!"

"Why does that not surprise me?" Frasier asked.

Roz put her hands on her hips. "Hey! What in the hell does that mean? I don't go out with just anyone, you know! Although... there was this really hot guy at the gas station who wants to meet me at The Sure Thing for a drink tonight."

"What an appropriate place!" Frasier said. "I have no doubt it will live up to its name."

"Shut up!" Roz yelled. "God, I knew better than to tell you anything while you're in one of your moods!"

"Well pardon me for being just a little agitated!" Frasier yelled back. "Your life wasn't turned into a disaster! And all because I was trying to bring a little class to KACL by staging a little radio drama!"

"You're blaming me for this?" Roz asked. "If it weren't for your... idiotic brother-."

"Oh yeah? Well tell me, Oh Great One... How hard is it to say multiple murderer?"

"Hey! It's not MY fault I could hardly talk! My mouth felt like it had cotton balls in it! You can't expect me to-."

"Hey! Hey! Be quiet" Kenny yelled as he burst through the door. "I can hear you all the way down the hall-and so can everyone else for that matter! Now, if you want to remain employees of KACL, you'll pipe down! Got it?"

Frasier and Roz nodded in silence.

"Good! Now don't you have a show to do?"

When Kenny left the booth, Roz and Frasier headed for their respective places in the studio.


	4. Chapter 4

"Thirty seconds, Frasier." Roz called into the microphone.

"Good afternoon, Seattle. This is... um... Dr. Frasier Crane. Yes, that's who I am! I'm here and ready to help you with life's little problems. So please... call in. I'm listening."

He waited patiently and turned to the booth. After a silence that was much too long, he smiled. "So, Roz...who's our first caller?"

Roz shrugged. "There aren't any."

"That's... preposterous. Of course there's a call! Perhaps you're not looking hard enough."

"Oh sure, blame me again!" Roz yelled. "You know it could be that no one wants to talk to someone who makes his friends and family members look like complete morons on the radio!"

"Well it certainly isn't MY fault!" Frasier said. "I was the director!"

"Exactly!" Roz retorted. "And another thing, Frasier... Oh look! A call!"

"Thank God..." Frasier mumbled. "Roz who do we have on the line?"

"We have Steven from Carnation on Line 1."

"Hello, Steven. This is Dr. Frasier Crane and... I'm listening."

"Yeah? Well I'm not!" He yelled.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Well I used to really respect you, Dr. Crane. But after that... farce of a show you put on Saturday night, I just don't think I can trust you anymore."

"I'm sorry you feel that way Steven, but I assure you that the ill-fated production of Nightmare Inn has nothing to do with my ability to provide only the best-."

"Save it, okay? This show is a joke and so is this station! I mean, don't you read the papers? The Seattle Times had a field day with it!"

Frasier put his head in his hands. "Dear God..."

He looked up at Roz who smiled sympathetically. "Do we have any other callers, Roz?"

"We have Dennis from Federal Way on Line 3." Roz said.

"Hello, Dennis. I'm listening." Frasier said.

"You have some nerve, buddy!" Dennis yelled.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm not following." Frasier said.

"I let my kid listen to your little program on Saturday night and because of all the killings, he's now traumatized! He used be such a good kid; into sports and reading... Now he just stares at the walls. It's like he's catatonic."

"Oh dear God! Well I am sorry. Perhaps if I referred you to someone..."

"Hey, my kid doesn't need a shrink, okay? You do!" Dennis yelled.

The dial tone sound resonated in Frasier's ear, causing him to cringe.

"Anymore callers, Roz?"

"Yeah, we have Marybeth from West Seattle on Line 2."

"Hello, Marybeth. This is Dr. Frasier Crane and... I'm listening."

"Hi, Dr. Crane. I-I'm having a problem with my boyfriend."

"Wonderful!" Frasier exclaimed. Then seeing Roz's horrified face, quickly made amends.

"I-I mean... It's wonderful that you called the show. So what seems to be the problem?"

"Well he says he won't marry me unless I stop listening to your show. But I can't stop, Dr. Crane! I'm addicted!"

"That's a... rather unusual reason for not marrying someone, although I am flattered that you're such a fan!"

"Oh definitely! You helped me out so much with my last three boyfriends! They all proposed, too!"

"Your last three..."

"Yes. So will you help me?" She asked.

"Marybeth, may I ask why your suitor doesn't want you to listen to my show any longer?"

"My what?"

Frasier rubbed his aching temples. "Your boyfriend, Marybeth. You know your steady, your... main squeeze... your... Help me out here, Roz!"

Roz laughed. "I think you're doing okay on your own!"

"Okay, what about him?"

"Are you even listening... Oh for God's sake. I asked you why he doesn't want you to listen to my show any longer!"

"Well he said you put on some dumb radio production on Saturday night! Can you believe the nerve of him, not telling me about it! I have a right mind to end it right now! And you know what? That's exactly what I'm going to do! Thank you, Dr. Crane!"

Once more Frasier found himself listening to the dial tone. "This is Dr. Frasier Crane and that's about all the time we have for today. I wish you good mental health. Some more than others."

"Frasier! We still have over three hours left!" Roz said. "You can't end the show now!"

"Goodnight Roz." Frasier said. He rose from his chair and put on his jacket, ignoring her confused look as he walked out of the booth.


	5. Chapter 5

"Great show, Doc!" Bulldog laughed when Frasier entered the hallway.

"Well, if it isn't the mute silk merchant, Mr. Wing!" Frasier exclaimed. "Glad to hear that your voice has returned!"

"Oh yeah... about that..."

"And your girlfriend... what was her name again?"

"Maxine."

"Maxine, that's right! The one with dyslexia! Although I think Niles was more accurate when he asked if she had distemper. How is Maxine?"

"Oh, she's great! She said to tell you how thankful she is for the opportunity to be on the radio." Bulldog said. "She's even thinking about going into broadcasting!"

"Is she now?" Frasier asked, feigning excitement.

"Yeah, she said it was her first big break."

Frasier rolled his eyes and began to walk away. "Well I'm glad I could be of service."

"Hey Doc..." Bulldog said as he hurried to catch up. "She really wants to do commercials. Got any inside information on jobs?"

"No, Bulldog I don't, but if something comes up... Oh for God's sake! No one's going to hire her!"

"Why not?"

"Do the words 'She's got a nug!' ring a bell?"

"Oh that. Well, I can explain." Bulldog said.

"Never mind... I don't want to hear it. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get-."

"Well! If it isn't Frasier Crane! The great director who deprived me of what was to be the greatest performance of my life!"

Frasier sighed. "What are you talking about, Gil?"

"I'm referring to that delicious speech about my boyhood in Surrey! "Romping with my school chums in the fens and spinneys when-."

"Gil, please!" Frasier said, shoving his way past the restaurant critic.

"Hey, Dr. Crane!"

"Oh... Hello, Noel."

"Wasn't that a great show Saturday night? My parents couldn't stop talking about it!"

Frasier smiled, grateful for a compliment. "Well, it's nice to know that someone enjoyed it!"

"Oh, they didn't enjoy it at all. In fact, they said it was the worst thing they'd ever heard."

"Wonderful." Frasier said, not bothering to hide his sarcasm.

"But they loved the sound effects." Noel added.

"Of course they did. Goodnight Noel."

Noel looked at his watch "Goodnight? But it's not even time for Star Trek to come on!"

"Goodnight, Noel." Frasier said again as he walked out of the building.


	6. Chapter 6

Elliot Bay Towers

When the door opened, Daphne looked up from her ironing. "Well, Dr Crane! This is a surprise. Didn't expect you home so soon!"

Frasier picked up the Seattle Times that his father left on the coffee table and thumbed through the Arts section. "Yes, well... It seems that some of my callers weren't too happy with the way my radio drama went on Saturday. Apparently I scared one young listener for life. But I suppose you heard the whole sad scenario."

"No, not really." Daphne said, smiling as she sprayed starch on Frasier's crisp white shirt. When he glared at her, she crossed her arms. "Well how am I supposed to do the laundry, help your father with his exercises and cook your meals while finding the time to listen to your bloody show?"

Frasier threw down the newspaper in disgust. "Doesn't anyone listen to my show anymore?"

Daphne smirked. "Apparently they do!"

"I thought I told you to go to work!" Martin said as he hobbled into the living room.

"I did go to work, Dad! If you'd listen to my show, you'd know that!"

"Well you sure as hell didn't stay very long!" Martin yelled. "When I was your age, we worked long hard hours and I had to-."

"I know, I know! You had to walk ten miles in the snow go to get to work! I've heard this story a million times and each time your trek through the snow gets longer and longer. I happen to know that it hasn't snowed in Seattle that much since-."

"Will you two bloody shut up!" Daphne yelled, startling them with her outburst.

"What's wrong, Daph?" Martin asked.

"What's wrong is that I'm tried of this constant fightin' between you two! Ever since that stupid radio drama-."

"Oh, so now you're calling my show stupid, huh?" Frasier interrupted.

"Well, now that you mention it-." Daphne yelled back.

"What's going on in here?"

They looked up to see Niles standing before them.

"Hey Niles." Martin said.

"Hello, Dr. Crane." Daphne said with a smile.

"Well... just the person I want to see." Frasier said sarcastically. "The person who ruined my production of Nightmare Inn."

Niles jaw dropped. "I did not!" He yelled, enunciating each word.

"Oh come on, Niles! You know damn well that if it weren't for your... impromptu mass murder, this whole fiasco would never have happened!"

"Frasier, I am appalled! Have you completely forgotten about Gil and his ridiculous obsession with that horrible boyhood in Surrey speech?"

"I wrote that speech!" Frasier said. "I worked very hard, directing that production and-."

"Your direction is for the birds!" Niles retorted.

"What?" Frasier yelled back.

"You heard me!"

Frasier gasped dramatically and put his hand over his heart. "I am wounded!" he yelled.

"Yeah? Well it's too bad we don't have any balloons so I can finish the job!" Niles said, giving his brother an evil laugh.

Daphne and Martin looked at each other blankly and shrugged.

Deciding to step in, Martin walked toward his sons. "Look, why don't we all just sit down and-."

The doorbell rang, interrupting his thoughts.

"Daphne, can you get that?" Frasier asked.

Daphne scoffed. "Why should I have to answer the door? It's your bloody house! Me Grammy Moon used to say-."

The doorbell rang again.

Daphne, please! I don't have time for, nor do I care to hear about your psychic visions or your Grammy Moon!" Frasier said.

Niles looked at his brother in horror. "Don't you dare talk to her like that!" He said, blushing when Daphne smiled at him.

"Frasier, I can't believe you! Treating someone as... beautiful as Daphne like a... slave."

Daphne turned to Niles and stared at him. "Wh-what did you just call me?"

Niles blushed deeply. "Oh... Well, I..."

The doorbell rang again. "I'll get that!" Daphne said, unable to stop smiling. On her way to the door, she took Niles' hand and squeezed it gently.

He watched, mesmerized as she went to answer the door.

"Roz! How nice to see you!" Daphne said, hugging her friend.

"Hey Daphne! Hey everyone!"

Frasier and Niles rolled their eyes upon seeing her.

"Roz... To what do we owe this little visit?" Frasier asked. "Or should I call you Miss Thorndyke?"

"Just stopped by so say hello." Roz said. "And speaking of..." She walked over to Niles, smiling when she saw how uncomfortable he seemed.

"Hello... Son." She said putting her arm around him.

He shuddered and moved away, causing her arm to fall to her side.

"That's a fine way to treat your mother!" Roz said.

At the thought, Niles put his fingers over his mouth in an attempt to keep from getting sick.

"If you'll excuse me, I'll just be going now. "Goodnight all."

"Goodnight, Son." Martin said.

With a sigh, Niles opened the door, taking note that no one else acknowledged his leaving.


	7. Chapter 7

Niles walked out the door, feeling his stomach turn in circles; a sure sign that he'd better get home as quickly as possible.

This was worse than the after-effects from the Vashon ferry ride when he'd returned his sea bass to the sea.

"Dr Crane, wait!"

He turned around; his heart beating faster at the sight of the woman he loved.

"Daphne..."

"What's wrong?"  
"I'm sorry to run off like this, but suddenly I'm not feeling so well."

"You do look a bit green around the gills." She said. "Come with me."

To his surprise, she took his hand and led him back into the condo. In a daze he followed her into the living room, fully aware of the stares of Frasier, Roz and his father.

"What's going on?" Frasier asked. "Niles, I thought you'd gone."  
"Your brother's not feeling well, Dr. Crane." Daphne explained.

"Imagine that." Frasier said, with a roll of his eyes.

Niles glared at his brother and returned his attention to Daphne, who smiled warmly. "Now just sit here and make yourself comfortable."

"Here?" Niles asked, pointing to the chair. "Um... perhaps I should just sit on the sofa."

"Nonsense. Sit right here and prop up your feet. I'll take good care of you." Daphne said.

His heart warmed at her kindness. "Thank you, Daphne."  
Seconds after Niles sat down; Martin looked at him in horror.

"Hey! What in the hell are you doing in my chair?"

"Oh, pipe down, old man!" Daphne yelled. "Can't you see that your son is sick?"

"Actually, Daphne I'm feeling much better, thank you." Niles said, pushing himself out of the chair.

Daphne put her hand on his shoulder and eased him back against the upholstery. "You stay right there, Dr. Crane."

"But I really am feeling much-."

"If you don't mind me sayin' so, you look worse than ever. Now just relax and

I'll be right back."  
Niles smiled weakly as his head began to spin. "You're an absolute angel."

"Dr. Crane..." Daphne said, her cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink as she disappeared into the kitchen

From his father's beloved chair, Niles could hear Daphne preparing something in the kitchen. The blender whirred, followed by the clanging of silverware.

"What is she doing in there?" Martin asked. "And... Oh God... what is that smell?"

Niles could only shrug.

Minutes later, Daphne returned, holding a large cup. "Here you are, Dr. Crane. Drink this and you'll feel better in no time."

"Thank you, Daphne." Niles said taking the cup from her. As soon as he caught a whiff of the concoction, his stomach lurched and he pushed the drink away. "Dear God! What is that?"

"Now I know it smells horrid but it's a secret recipe of me Grammy Moon's. Trust me, once you get this down, you'll feel a hundred percent better."

Niles winced as he slowly brought the cup to his mouth. "I-I can't." He said pushing the cup away.

"Please, Dr. Crane? For me?"

When he looked into Daphne's beautiful eyes, his heart beat faster. He just couldn't disappoint her.

He took a deep breath and gulped down the contents of the cup, trying not to think about what he was drinking. It was the most horrible thing he'd ever tasted.

When she noticed his expression, Daphne rushed into the kitchen, returning with a glass of water. "Drink this. It'll get the taste out."

Niles coughed and took the glass from her, drinking the water as fast as possible. "Thank you, Daphne."

"Oh, hey guys! Guess what?" Roz was asking excitedly.

When no one answered, she frowned. "Well since no one seems to be interested, I'll tell you anyway. The Seabee Awards are only two weeks away!"

At this news, Niles sat up in Martin's chair and looked at Roz in horror. "You aren't actually-."

"Dear God, Roz!" Frasier interrupted. "You can't be suggesting that we go?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Roz said.

"Absolutely not!" Frasier said. "I refuse to be made a fool of in front of my colleagues!"

"That makes two of us!" Niles called from Martin's chair. "I think I've been through enough humiliation for one lifetime."

"But we have to go!" Roz said. "How do you think it will look for us to be the only radio show not represented?"

Frasier crossed the room and went straight to the bar. "Sherry, Niles?"

"Please." Niles replied.

"Oh no you don't!" Daphne said, grabbing the glass from Frasier's hand. "Your brother is in no condition to drink alcohol right now."

Niles grinned sheepishly at his brother.

"Roz, it's presumptuous that you're even suggesting that we make an appearance at the Seabee's!" Frasier said.

"Exactly!" Niles chimed in. "We'll be... dare I say it... the joke of Seattle if we were to attend?"

Roz smirked. "Niles, because you're sick, I'll refrain from making a sarcastic comment."

"Hmm... and speaking of sarcastic comments... How's your love life, Roz?" Niles retorted, causing his brother to laugh out loud.

"That's IT!" Roz yelled. "You two morons just got yourselves front row tables at the Seabee awards! And don't think I can't make you go!"

Frasier rolled his eyes. "Roz, that's impossible! You can't make us-."

"Oh yeah? Watch me!" Roz said, as she left the condo, slamming the door behind her.

Frasier and Niles looked at each other in horror.

"Dear God..." Frasier said after an uncomfortable silence. "Well Niles... It looks like we're going to the Seabees... whether we like it or not."


	8. Chapter 8

Two weeks later... Saturday night/Four Seasons Hotel, Seattle

There was a round of applause as the emcee appeared at the podium and smiled brightly at the crowd.

"Good evening, radio family and friends. Welcome to the annual Seabee Awards! We've had another great year on the Seattle airwaves..."

"Another year, another boring speech." Martin said. "And this wine is pathetic! Tastes like it came from a can!"

"Dad, must you complain about everything?" Frasier said. "Can't we at least try to enjoy ourselves?"

"Is it really necessary for us to even be here?" Niles asked. "Because I for one am not looking foreword to being made a fool of in front of the entire Seattle radio community! I'm a respected psychiatrist!"

"Oh Niles relax! It's not like any of your patients actually heard that disastrous production on Saturday night!" Martin said.

"It was not disastrous!" Frasier yelled, garnering the attention of a nearby group of attendees.

"Evening!" he nodded toward the group, as though the outburst hadn't occurred.

"It was not disastrous." He said in a much lower voice. "It just... didn't turn out the way I'd expected."

"Boy that's the understatement of the century." Came a familiar voice followed by laughter.

At the sight of Bulldog approaching the table, Frasier rolled his eyes. "Well, if it isn't the mute Mr. Wing! Is the dyslexic Maxine going to be joining us too? Or should I say distempered?" He glanced at Niles, who burst into a fit of laughter.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you think it's so funny!" Bulldog said. "I'll have you know that Maxine has real talent behind a microphone."

"I'll bet she does... and in a few other places as well." Roz said.

At her sarcastic comment, Martin laughed hysterically. "That's a good one, Roz!"

"You think so? Just wait till I have a few more glasses of this champagne." She said, downing her glass before pouring herself some more.

"You'd better slow down, Roz!" Gil warned. "That alcohol will go straight to your head and you'll be in no condition to drive home."

Roz smirked. "Well I'm not planning on going home if you know what I mean."

Noel's eyes lit up in anticipation. "You mean that?"

"Yes, but not with you! God, I don't go home with just anyone!" Roz said, clearly disgusted.

"Could a fooled me!" Bulldog laughed.

"And now we come to the moment you've all been waiting for. The awards presentation."

"Shut up!" Martin yelled. "They're giving out the awards!"

"Since when do you care about that? You hate these things!" Niles said.

"Exactly!" Martin replied. "As soon as they start handing out the awards, it means that this thing will be over soon!"

"Well I'll certainly be glad when it is. I can just feel the room staring at our table as though we're a bunch of incompetent fools!" Niles said.

"Oh Niles, really!" Frasier said. "No one thinks we're fools!"

"And the award for best radio show goes to-."

"That won't be us." Roz said, emptying another glass of champagne.

Martin looked at Niles who was glancing around the room nervously. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Has anyone seen Daphne?" Niles asked. "I thought she was coming."

"I guess she changed her mind." Martin replied. "Can't really say that I blame her, though. I'd much rather be at home in front of the TV instead of at this... media circus. Look at all those cameras! Every reporter in the state of Washington must be here!"

"But it's completely unlike her to not show up!" Niles replied, ignoring his father's concern about the media. "What if something terrible happened?"

"Niles, just calm down." Frasier said. "I'm sure she's fine. She's probably out... on a... date or something."

At the word date, Niles flinched. Damn his older brother to rub in the fact that he'd never win Daphne's heart.

Suddenly feeling depressed, Niles poured himself a glass of the horrid champagne and drank it within seconds, ignoring the rush of dizziness that followed.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!"

At the familiar voice, he looked up; his heartbeat increasing rapidly at the sight.

"Hey Daphne." Everyone said their greetings staggered slightly.

"We were getting worried." Frasier said, ignoring the glare he received from Niles.

"I had a bit of trouble with me hair, and then me mum called and you know how she can be..."

But Niles wasn't listening. He stared transfixed at the woman he loved. She stood before him, more stunning than he'd ever seen her; dressed in an exquisite formal gown that fit close to her body. Why it was almost an exact replica of the dress she'd worn to the Snow Ball in a mesmerizing shade of blue as deep as the sea. Her hair fell in layers on her shoulders and when the perfume she was wearing wafted in his direction he was sure he would faint from the aroma.

"Dr. Crane, are you all right?" She asked, noticing his dazed expression.  
At the sound of her voice he looked up. "What?"

"I was asking if you're all right. You look a little weak. It's not your stomach again is it?"

"You're an angel for remembering but no. I'm fine. Please, won't you sit down? " He said, gesturing to the chair.

"Thank you, Dr. Crane. I think I will." Daphne said with a smile.

But to his dismay, she sat in the seat next to Frasier, completely out of his grasp.


	9. Chapter 9

The emcee droned on and on, giving out one award after another.

"Oh geez, is this ever going to end?" Martin groaned. "Can't we just leave now?"

"Hey! Nobody is leavin' this table until they call my name!" Bulldog said. "Gonzo Sports show RULES!"

"Well folks, we only have a few more awards to present." The emcee was saying."Our next award is for Best Sports Show." He grinned as a beautiful brunette handed him a white envelope.

Upon seeing the woman, Bulldog leaned toward Niles and whispered "After the ceremony, that chick is mine! Whoa! She's hot!"

Niles glanced at Daphne and sighed, wishing he could say the same.

"And the award for best sports show goes to-."

There was a long dramatic pause as the emcee opened the envelope and glanced at the results.

"Oh my... Well! This certainly is exciting!"  
"Yeah, yeah! Get on with it!" Bulldog yelled. "I don't have all night!"

"And the award for best sports show goes to... Bob-."

"YES!" Bulldog yelled, rising to his fit in victory. "Dawgs rule, baby!"

When he noticed there was no applause, he looked around the room, cringing when he saw glares of annoyance.

"As I was saying..." The emcee said. "The award for best sports show goes to... Bob Morris and Mad Marvin's Sports Spectacular of KKDS Radio in Marysville!"

There was a collective gasp at the table, followed by applause from the rest of the room as the winners went to get their award.

"WHAT?" Bulldog yelled. "This stinks! Total BS!" Angrily he slammed his fist against the table.

"Do you mind?" Morris said from the podium. "We're trying to give a speech here!"  
"Yeah?" Bulldog yelled. "Well... Your show stinks! Especially if you think the Dawgs don't have a chance in Hell to go to a bowl game. They can beat the crap out of any-."

When he put his head on the table and began to cry, Daphne reached over and took his hand.

"I'm so sorry, Bulldog. You deserved to win"

"She's right." Martin said. "Gee, I'm sorry Bulldog. Your show is great."

"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Daphne asked.  
Bulldog raised his head and stared at her. "Are you serious?"

"Of course I am!" Daphne replied.

"Anything?" He asked, grinning mischievously.

Annoyance crept into Daphne's response. "I said anything didn't I?"

Bulldog moved his chair closer and put his arm around her "Care to elaborate on that?"

Niles' eyes widened and he felt his father's hand on his arm.

"Let it go, Niles. Daphne's a big girl, and she can take care of her self."

"I'll certainly take care of Bulldog if he hurts the woman I love!" Niles grumbled.

"Bulldog! You're disgusting!" Daphne yelled, pulling away from him.

"Well, ladies and gentlemen... that concludes the Seabee Awards for this evening."

"Thank God." Martin said rising from his chair. "After that nonsense, I need a Ballantine!"

"Ladies and gentlemen if I could just have your attention for a bit longer." The emcee said.

"Oh geez! What now?" Martin asked sinking into his chair.

"I don't know, Dad." Frasier replied. It must be something new this year."

"Well, they'd better hurry up! I missed Antiques Roadshow for this!" Martin complained.

"As most of you know, last Saturday evening, a special presentation aired on KACL. Nightmare inn, written and produced by noted Seattle psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane. How many of you actually listened to this?"

Niles and Frasier looked at each other in horror, as all eyes landed on their table, amid sporadic applause.

"Dear God!" They cried in unison.

"We'll be the laughing stock of Seattle"! Gil said. "I'll never be able to set foot in a four star restaurant again!"

"It was a most unique production; spontaneous, and at times ridiculous with a bizarre cast who, instead of being your normal everyday people, turned out to be dyslexic, mute and even vicious murderers, killing nearly everyone in sight."

The description brought uproarious laughter around the room as the emcee began to describe the production in detail.

Frasier hid his face behind a menu and pretended to study it thoroughly, never daring to look at his peers.

Niles meanwhile, hung his head in shame. Being humiliated in his brother's home was bad enough but out in public was much worse.

However, he never expected this embarrassment.


	10. Chapter 10

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity to and recognize the cast of Nightmare Inn for providing our region with such a unique performance."

Applause scattered around the room as Frasier raised his head and looked around at his peers. Suddenly a huge smile spread across his face, when he realized he was no longer being ridiculed.

"First and foremost, we have Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe as Mr. Wing."

Bulldog ran up to the podium and grabbed the Space Needle shaped award as though it were a Heisman Trophy.

"Oh my God... I just... I don't' know what to say! I'm speechless!" He said into the microphone.

"What a coincidence!" Roz said. "You were speechless on Saturday night, too!" Roz said.

"Can you believe that?" Daphne scoffed. "Givin' him an award for not even sayin' a word!"

"Our next performer is Gil Chesterman as Noel Fairservice."

More applause as Gil walked up to the podium. "Well! This is most a most delightful surprise; one I certainly didn't except! To win an award of any kind is truly an honor; a thing of beauty in an otherwise unsettling world..."

"Oh geez..." Martin said, shaking his head in annoyance.

"It's like my alter ego, Nigel Fairservice once said during his boyhood in Surrey, romping with his school chums in the fens and spinneys, when the twilight bathed the headrows like a lambent flame."

"Dear God..." Frasier groaned, burying his head in his hands.

"Ooohh kay..." the emcee said as Gil bowed graciously amid the enthusiastic applause he received.

"Next we have Roz Doyle as Miss Thorndyke."

Roz smiled at the crowd as she made her way to the podium to accept her award.

"I'd just like to thank my friend and confidant for writing this wonderful drama. Without his insisting that I take part in Nightmare Inn, I would never have gotten a call from Doug."  
The emcee looked at her in confusion. "Doug?"

"Yeah, he's the hot guy who called to make sure I was okay after my dental work. Two weeks later and we've already had four dates!"

"Are you free tonight, Babe?" A far away voice yelled.

"Of course I am." Roz breathed into the microphone using her sexiest voice.

"Good Lord, this is becoming a circus!" Frasier said.

"And now we come to the cast member who may just be the most talented of them all. A man who, in the course of this production wore many hats. And I think we all know to whom I am referring."

Niles smiled proudly; his heart rate increasing in anticipation. In mere minutes he'd be the man of the hour; no longer hovering in his brother's shadow. And best of all, Daphne would be proud of him.

"The one... the only... Noel Shempsky!"

"WHAT?" Martin and Daphne both yelled at the same time.

Niles heart fell. He tried to look happy but his heart just wasn't in it.

Sheepishly, Noel grinned, blushing as he walked to the podium.

"My... this is a surprise." He said, taking the Seabee Award. "You know, my parents told me that Nightmare Inn was the worst radio drama they've ever heard..."

There was a scattering of laughter across the room.

"... but they loved the sound effects!" he finished to a round of applause. "This award means so much." He continued. "If only Bill Gates could see me now! And one more thing before I go... Live long and prosper!" he smiled brightly as he held up two fingers in a Vulcan salute.

"And last but not least, the greatest of them all... a man who is well respected in this community..."

Niles put his hand on the table, ready to rise to his feet when his name was called.

"Dr. Frasier Crane!"

At the sound of his brother's name, the banquet room went crazy with applause, assuring Frasier that his career was anything but over.  
Frasier stood proudly, smiling at his peers.

Any ounce of happiness Niles might have been feeling disappeared in that moment, replaced with familiar feelings of inferiority. He watched with annoyance as his older brother was surrounded by colleges and admirers. Even his own father was busy congratulating his oldest son.

With a sigh, Niles looked around the table which was now empty and looked around the banquet room, ignoring the glares and whispers he received.

But he wasn't stupid. He knew what they were saying;

"Poor Niles Crane. The only character in that dreadful production who didn't receive an award."

It shouldn't have bothered him; being left out. But it did.


	11. Chapter 11

He was on his fifth or sixth glass of champagne-he really hadn't noticed. He'd been sitting alone so long he'd also failed to notice that he was the only attendee left.

Seconds later he felt a hand on his back. It was probably just someone from the cleaning crew, ready to throw him out.

As if he hadn't been humiliated enough for one evening.

Slowly... reluctantly, he turned around, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw her.

"Daphne..."

"Dr Crane, I..."

"I thought you'd gone home with Dad and Frasier. What are you doing here?"  
"Your father and brother can find their own bloody way home!" She said.

"What's wrong?" he dared to ask.

"The nerve of your family; leaving you alone like this! And your brother, showin off like that in front of everyone!"

Was it just his imagination, or did she actually seem angry?

No... it wasn't possible. Daphne would never think of him as anything but a friend.

He smiled slightly, thinking about that word... friend. In the years that he'd known Daphne, she'd become so much more...

His best friend.

"It's all right, Daphne. He had every right to feel proud. After all, he worked very hard on it."

A feeling of shame washed over him then and he did his best to hide it. But as usual, Daphne knew he was hurting.

Must be her psychic powers.

"You worked hard, too Dr. Crane. And it's terrible that they just... completely ignored you. They didn't even give you an award!"

Niles blushed. "Well, Daphne. I hardly deserved it. I was a terrible actor! I disgraced myself and Frasier by making a complete disaster out of the production he worked so hard on. No wonder Frasier and Dad are ashamed of me because I'm ashamed of myself! I should have just-."

"Shhh..." Daphne said.

At the touch of her fingertips on his mouth, he shivered.

"Daphne... I was terrible. I was..."  
"Nonsense, Dr. Crane. You were wonderful."

He grinned shyly at the compliment. "I-I was?"

She laughed then. "Of course you were! I was so proud of you! Oh come here, you sweet man!"

His heart raced when she hugged him fiercely.

"Oh, thank you, Daphne." He said, sighing contentedly in her arms. "You're being much too kind. I really wasn't that good and-."

"You were wonderful." She said sweetly.

Before he knew what was happening, she leaned over and kissed him.

When she drew back, he was sure the room had begun to spin; or maybe it was his mind, trying to believe that he'd just been kissed by the woman of his dreams.

After a few seconds he found his voice again. "Daphne? Since everyone else is gone-."

She looked at her watch. "Oh God, you're absolutely right! I didn't realize how late it had gotten. I'll take you home right away. Your brother and father are probably worried about us and-."

"Actually, Daphne... I-I was going to say... Well, since everyone else is gone, would you like to have a drink with me? The bar in this hotel is quite nice with a dance floor and-."

Her eyes lit up, making her more beautiful than he thought was possible. "Dancing?"

"Well, yes... But we don't have to-."

She smiled and took his hand. "I'd love to, Dr. Crane. After all, you're the best dance partner I've ever had."

Niles felt a rush of love for her as they headed for the bar; ready to dance the night away with his goddess...

THE END


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